This is a post from about a month ago of mine on FB.
So this week was really tough. Like messy hard dark things tough I can't even begin to understand. Without going into details on the circumstances, let's say I had a full on meltdown. Engulfed by grief and sadness, humbled by my absolute incapacity to deal with the moment at hand. I retreated. I withdrew. I hit a breaking point yesterday and knew what was happening was bigger than I could handle on my own. I was filled with sorrow and my heart was breaking once again. I missed the Kim I was before cancer, before the broken ankle, before I lost my business and my husband, before I was engulfed in debt. Before I hit rock bottom. Before I needed all kinds of help I'm still too proud to ask for.. I felt my heart breaking for every other lost soul on this entire planet. I was angry and confused and scared. And it was just too much to bear.
So I reached out to my beautiful angel friend Amy Kletecka Weber. Amy walks with Jesus and the Holy Spirit on the reg, and she and y'all know that's never been my thing. But that difference just never seemed to matter between us. We respect each other, challenge each other, and lift each other up even though we walk very different spiritual paths. We laugh and giggle like 12 year olds. It's understood by her that i ain't running to church anytime soon and it's understood by me that when she arrives, Jesus and The Holy Spirit will be joining. And I'm Ok with that. Because i think they drink wine too.
Amy owns a fitness studio in Franklin and on Saturday mornings she teaches a class she developed when her faith strengthened called Praisen[pow]her. I did not read the description before I said I'm needing a tag team of you and The Holy Spirit. I don't know what goes on in There, but I need you and your light. Sign me up.
Then I read the description which terrified me a little bit because there was a lot of planking with Jesus going on and some straight up yoga with the Holy Spirit. But my love for Amy and my need for some peace and stillness in my mind combined with my body needing to return to moving itself like i once did before I gained 25 lbs this past year propelled me forward. Judgement free. Ready to take on whatever was coming in that hour, whether it made me uncomfortable or not.
So there was scripture, there was Christian music, there were no rules as to if you wanted to follow the movement or just lie there and receive whatever you came for. Cool. No pressure. I chose the movement because the movement was essential to my recovery or the beginning if it anyway. It gave me something to do with my body so as to not freak out by the words of the Bible being spoken. I eventually found a comfortable medium.
As class wrapped up, I felt stronger. It felt wonderful to get my body moving again after being so sedentary for so long. Amy finished class by asking if there was anyone who felt they needed a little extra healing energy, some love, some hands on energy to put them selves in a child's pose. So I did. Who doesn't need some extra love?
Within seconds, I felt many gentle hands on me, many whispers to Jesus to help comfort and heal me, many beautiful and supportive women telling me how loved and held and comforted I was. Telling me to cry, to break, to allow peace and love and healing in
Reminding me to cast away what doesn't serve me and to allow myself to be held. I sobbed uncontrollably for a good 10 minutes while I felt i was receiving a giant 10 person hug. The release that comes from the kind touch and embraces of others, even strangers, is a life altering experience. I felt safe and loved and held. I rose up eventually to see at least 10 women standing over me like angels, protecting me from the darkness in me and the darkness that i know will come in these next month's leading up to the moment my sweet Max made the decision to end his suffering by ending his life on December 19, 2016. I.hope he took comfort in seeing me held and loved by so many.
I still ain't gonna start running to church or sitting up in Jesus's lap, but i will return to hear Amy's truth and rejoice with her in her faith and allow her to hold me in her heart and arms because that is a safe place for me amidst my chaos. Thank you girl. My love overflows for you and can only hope to lift you up as much as you do me. For my friends out there like me no matter what your faith or no faith at all please take this class if you are missing something or someone or hours of your life to sadness or anxiety or depression for that matter or come take one of her other classes that are just straight up sweaty bananas workouts in a non competitive environment . The only church I know I'l be regularly attending is the church of Amy.. I have a long long road to healing but I'm in very capable and gentle hands. I love you so much friend. Thank you from the bottom of my breaking heart. Friends, get your first class free here and and join in the positive and powerful joy of this studio. Message me if you ever want to join me.
Thank you sweet yet powerful Amy. You are my church, my joy, the keeper and protector of my heart. I love you endlessly. #youaremyspritualjam 💙💜💛💚
